Friday Vitriol

Today, Friday the 13th, the executions will commence immediately:

  • A Domino's order will not get you a pizza, but rather a .38 slug to the forehead when you open the door
  • All Chicago trolleys to Navy Pier will actually be carbon monoxide gas chambers
  • All organic packaged food items from chain grocery stores will be laced with cyanide
  • The brakes of all hybrid and electric cars will be sabotaged
  • The nutrition pamphlets at fast food restaurants will be brushed with anthrax

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